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Funny Happy New Year Jokes and Riddles 2017
Heartwarming Miami tradition: Asking people not to shoot guns into the air on New Year’s Eve 2017.
Wait a second, there’s ANOTHER year? I have to do it all over again???
Husband: 2day is sunday & I have 2 enjoy it.
So i bought 3 movie tickets. Wife: why three?
Husband: 4 u & ur prnts
I love when they drop the ball in Times Square. It’s a nice reminder of what I did all year.
Drop da last yr in2 da silent limbo of da past.
Let it go, 4 it was imperfect, & thank God dat it can go.
I like New Years. The confetti covers up my dandruff.
The first week of January, gyms and yoga classes everywhere are packed with people who made new years resolutions to tone up. It’s like sardines in there. Big sardines. But they’re all gone by February.
Every New Years I resolve to lose 20 pounds, and I do. The problem is that I gain 30.
My brother’s New Year’s resolution is to move out of my parents house. You’d think after 49 years he’d try another one.
Chinese Jokes About New Year Resolutions 2017
My grandparents had resolutions like donating more time & money to charities. I’ve decided to make my own coffee once a week.
Every New Years I celebrate making it through another holiday season without killing my relatives.
May all ur troubles last as long as ur Nw Yr’s resolutions!
Nw Yr’s Day: Now is da accepted time 2 make ur regular annual
good resolutions. Next week u can begin paving hell with dam as usual.
An optimist stays up until midnite 2 see da Nw Yr in.
A pessimist stays up 2 make sure da old yr leaves.
Da object of a nw yr is not dat we should have a nw yr.
It is dat we should have a nw soul.
A new years resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
This New Years I’m going to make a resolution I can keep: no dieting all year long.
Women get a little more excited about New Years Eve than men do. It’s like an excuse: you drink too much, you make a lot of promises you’re not going to keep; the next morning as soon as you wake up you start breaking them. For men, we just call that a date.
My New Year’s resolution is to eat better, so from now on, I’m going to only date guys who can afford to take me somewhere other than McDonalds.
If you make a New Year’s resolution to eat a healthy diet, and you keep it, you won’t actually live longer, but it will seem longer.
Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.
This New Years I resolved to lead a better life. Now all I have to do is find someone who will trade lives with me.
My new years resolution is not to shovel snow. Since I’m gonna be in Florida, I feel pretty good about it.
New Years parades have a lot in common with Santa Claus. Nobody is awake to see either one of them.
Funny Happy New Year Resolution Jokes 2017 Collection
Every New Year’s I have the same question: “How did I get home?”
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn’t it, of a long line of proven criminals?
This New Years I was going to make a resolution never to be late again, but I didn’t wake up until January 2nd.
“Out with the old, in with the new” is a fitting expression for a holiday that is based on vomiting.
Usually my main goal at a New Year’s party is to remember who I came with.
Deer readers, my gnu years resolution is to tell you a gazelleon times how much I caribou you! Sorry. Bad puns. Alpaca bag and leave.
On New Years, just remember: if your cup runneth over, you’ve probably reached your limit.
My new year’s resolution is to get better at pretending to know the words to Auld Lang Syne.
New Year’s Eve, when auld acquaintances be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive.
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